John's Soap Box
October 31 , 2006
I’m getting very tired of rude people.
I was brought up in an environment where politeness was recognized as the oil that lubricated the cogs of society, but that lubrication seems to be fast disappearing.
I’m not talking about thoughtless rudeness - the diner in the restaurant who refuses to look at the waitress and says, ‘Gimme the burger with fries and make it snappy.’ That’s just piggishness. Annoying, but what are you going to do about someone whose IQ is likely less than his shoe size?
No, I mean considered rudeness.
Rudeness from someone who intends to give offense.
I am coming to the conclusion that the computer bears much of the responsibility for the decline in manners.
It’s too easy, nowadays, to hide behind the anonymity that the Internet offers, and be needlessly offensive.
Let me give an example.
I recently bid on, and won, a twelve-string guitar on eBay.
The instant the auction ended, I paid the seller via PayPal. Within the hour the seller returned my money with an offensive attached message inferring that I must be stupid as I hadn’t used a confirmed billing address. I wrote back explaining that I had recently relocated to Germany and was in the process of updating my credit card information. This brought a second offensive email demanding that I pay immediately using Western Union or BidPay – and telling me that I had just twelve hours in which to do it!
I was in the middle of trying to get packed for the trip to the Shanghai Music Show, but I spent a fruitless four hours, attempting to pay via one or other of the methods he stipulated. Fruitless, because my address changes had not yet percolated down through the card company computers.
Later that day I got an email from eBay, telling me that the seller had reported me as a no-payer, and that I now had an Alert against me! (This is all within twenty-four hours of the ending of the auction.)
I contacted the seller again, offering to FedEx him a check drawn on my American bank and pointing out that I had a good reputation in the music industry, but that just brought another offensive email telling me that he had sold the guitar to the next highest bidder.
All that hassle could have been avoided if he had just used common decency. The Internet anonymity, however, allowed him to be a total buttock.
I hang out in Internet guitar-related groups, and, from time to time, vicious flame wars erupt, with dreadful, personal attacks being made on a hapless contributor for voicing an unpopular opinion. This demeans the whole group.
Well, I’ve had it with these people. From now on I’m telling blowhards that I find their attitude offensive. I shall do it politely. If it’s someone I encounter in the industry I shall not do business with them. If it’s a tradesman, then I shall not patronise their place of business.
If we all did this maybe people would treat each other with more consideration. Wouldn’t that be nice?
Part Two, Nov. 12, 2006
I’ve been getting a lot of mail about my last Soap Box article. The one about rude people.
It seems that it’s not just me who is irritated by gratuitous rudeness, it gets a lot of you seething - however not all of you are as forgiving as I am when I dismiss people who are thoughtlessly rude as not worth getting upset about.
So, what about cell-phone use? I was asked.
Well, yes, I must agree that is a gray area. Are people who talk loudly on a cell phone, when they are in close proximity to others, gratuitously rude - or just thoughtless?
I think it’s about 50/50 - however the burn it causes is the same.
I was at a lecture a few years back where a member of the audience took at least three lengthy telephone calls whilst the poor bastard on the podium tried to maintain his cool – and his audience. Had it been me, I think that blood would have been shed - but he just gritted his teeth and soldiered on.
I read the other day that some airlines are considering allowing cell-phone use during a flight, not just when the plane has landed.
The thought fills me with horror!
Being stuck on a flight from New York to Shanghai with a planeful of businessmen, all jabbering away on their cell-phones is my idea of Hell!
If they DO allow it, watch Air Rage kick up a notch or two!
Not just cell-phones, but people talking loudly also seems to irritate – especially in the cinema.
I totally concur, in fact I very rarely go to the cinema anymore for that very reason.
I think that television has so conditioned people that they act in the cinema exactly as they would at home. They get up and move around, discuss the film loudly, laugh uproariously, shout across to friends – and, in general, make going to the cinema a most unpleasant experience.
This is a pity, because most movies present much better on the cinema screen, rather than the one at home – however large.
On the subject of television, I get very irritated at people who keep the television on when they have visitors - keeping one eye on the television the whole time.
Even with the sound turned down I feel it to be intolerably rude.
Queue-jumping appears to be another major irritant. Coming from England I am conditioned to stand in line, but it seems that I am a member of a dying breed. Waiting one’s turn seems now to be just for the faint of heart. Most lines resemble a rugby scrum.
Not only is this rude, it’s also extremely stupid. An orderly line will get one served MUCH faster.
It would appear that I have struck a chord with this particular Soap Box subject. I’m quite happy to continue it, just drop me an email telling me just what irritates you and we’ll see where it takes us.
I must say, however, that there ARE certain occasions when gratuitous rudeness DOES have a valid place in a civilized society.
A while back Linda and I let the friend of a friend stay at Highgrove whilst we were away in France. He was between apartments and needed a place to stay, while we were very happy to have someone stay, to keep an eye on the property - and to water Linda’s plants.
We returned after three months to find the house a wreck! All the plants were dead, there were scorch marks all over the kitchen work-surfaces where hot pots had been put down, and my recording studio - which he had been told was totally off-bounds - was trashed.
We learned later that he had given up staying at the house after the first week of wild parties!
Luckily we knew where he worked, so we drove over to see him.
With Linda in tow I marched into his office – and cornered the sonovabitch.
With the whole office looking on, I drew myself up to my full six feet, two inches, and in clear, ringing, beautifully modulated English Public-School tones I said, ‘You disgusting heap of regurgitated bat vomit!’---and, in front of his giggling office staff, he burst into tears.
